Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I Need a Compass

So - while trying to wade through these murky waters of what some refer to as infertility* (I don't really like to think of myself as infertile) I have been forced to take a closer look at my faith, and what exactly I believe in regard to miracles, God's will, God's blessings, prayer... everything.

From my understanding of faith and our Heavenly Father - we should all pray for God's will to be done in our lives, because His plan is so much greater than our plans. The problem with this, or what makes this difficult, is our free will... and our personal hopes and dreams for our lives. I want to have 2 children before I am 30 years old... but, what if God's plan is different? If it is, what exactly do I pray for- what I want? Or for God's will be done? What if they're not the same?

I suppose it all comes down to trust. We need to trust that God wants the same things we want, and that He truly knows best and knows the desires of our heart.

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4
" In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will" Ephesians 1:11 

 So... from my understanding... and what I believe...
We are to ask God for the desires of our heart, and He will bless us in His perfect time, according to His plan - and if we are faithful and trust in Him, He will give us our hearts desires...

His plan for our lives may be predestined, but I believe that God also hears our prayers, and will work everything out for the best.

Now, over the next six months, my hearts desire is, of course, to get pregnant - but also to grow closer to God, and be still in His presence and hopefully discern His will for our lives. Do we get tested after six months, what if something is wrong, what if nothing is wrong... what is the direction God wants us to take with the answers to these questions.

I think things are slowly getting clearer...
I pray that I will not need to answer those last two questions... I pray that God would bless us with a family of our own, that this would be a part of His plan, and if not, that He would work it out for the glory of His name and His kingdom... for the purpose of His will. I pray for strength, peace, patience, and direction for today, tomorrow, and the future. 

*"Infertility: The diminished ability or the inability to conceive and have offspring. Infertility is also defined in specific terms as the failure to conceive after a year of regular intercourse without contraception." (According to medicinenet.com

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