Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Let me tell you about my mother-in-law...

Okay,

First, I just want to say that I love my in-laws, they are very generous and always mean well. They are pretty much all the family I have nearby and they have always been financially supportive of DH and I - which we are forever grateful for!!
Of course, they're not my parents, and therefore there are certain aspects of their personalities that get a little annoying - it's the same with my dad - we don't always get along.
My mother, on the other hand, is very supportive in whatever I want to do or pursue. She is easy to get along with, and really - I don't think there is any character trait I do not like/love in my mother. This is a hard act for my mother-in-law (MIL) to follow.

My MIL is paranoid, anxious, set in her ways, opinionated, and somewhat blunt/brash. This is very different to what I'm used to - also, she comes across as non-supportive because she just says the first thing that comes to mind. She also seems to be afraid of change...

When DH and I decided to try and get pregnant, I told him to tell his mother... he told me that he had, when in fact he hadn't (he knows his mom well I suppose).

After trying for five months, I was 10 days late...I was never late*!! But, home pregnancy tests (HPT) were all negative. So, we went to MIL to ask her advice; should I go get blood drawn or wait?
She knew immediately what we were going to tell her - and started practically yelling "NO! NO! NO! NO!". Here I am - hoping and praying that this is it... and she's freaking out. She was convinced that it wasn't a good time for us to be pregnant - we were busy buying a house ....

When AF arrived the next morning - I was devastated!! It was one of the worst days of my life!! Even though I was not officially pregnant, I thought I was...and so it felt like a loss, not a disappointment. I told DH to phone MIL and tell her. We saw them that night.... all she said to me was - "thank you for letting me know"...and that was that.


Three months later, someone in the family who had just had a baby said to me "...it's your turn next"...
My MIL responded with : "NO! Don't say that!" In a very panicked tone.

Sometime after that... we arrived at my in-laws house without our dogs (whom we sometimes take over to visit), and FIL said "I didn't hear the pitter patter of little feet"...and she quickly said "Don't say that!"...

It is clear that she doesn't think we are ready to start a family... but, these little comments tear me up inside and really hurt.
She hasn't said anything recently - but DH and I agreed that if she does, he will let her know that it's inappropriate and she needs to stop.

But...
The other day we were talking about our tax refund and what we're going to do with it - FIL said something in regard to a trip back "home" (to my home country) --- which is something I really want to do because I haven't been "home" to see my family or friends for almost 5 years--- and she said "No! You don't need to do that right now."
Maybe I'm being silly, but that really hurt my feelings...

First off  - who is she to tell us what we should do with our money...
Second - If I were to take her son to another country and he didn't visit her for 5 years, she would be a mess!

Through all of this - and some bible studies and prayer - I have come to understand that we cannot put special expectations on family, just because they're family. They are still people who can be selfish, insensitive, and rude... the only difference is, they are family - so they are around more often and feel that they can be themselves and not worry about being rude.

My in-laws cannot replace my family whom are far away, and they will not fill the void that is left because I can't see and spend time with my family. I just have to accept them for who and what they are.... and be grateful for the support that they do offer!

This can be difficult because I am a people-pleaser. I want to make people happy and I hate not being liked or having people upset with me... but at the end of the day, I cannot let this affect my life or my happiness. So I am choosing to ignore her, and be firm in my belief that her opinion doesn't matter.

Thanks for reading my vent-post!! :)
Take care!

*Now it seems that I am late every third cycle or so! Typical!

1 comment: