Wednesday, January 19, 2011

It's okay to falter...right?

I am having a bad day - I have the worst PMS... which of course means that AF is on her lovely way....

I have also started reading too many IF blogs... so many people move on to IUI or IVF after a short time of TTC.... we've been TTC for 2 years now and I don't want to get tested...I don't want a needle placed in me to inject dye into my lady parts...I know my DH doesn't want to have to go and have "special alone time" with a cup in a doctors office....

Our God is the maker of heaven and earth - He performs miracles every day! I know that if there is something wrong...if it is His will that we get pregnant.... we will get pregnant! He can overcome any medical obstacle! None of those test results will change that! God can do anything!

I truly believe that.... but, sometimes I wonder if I'm just afraid... am I in denial?
More than anything I want a baby...I want to have lots of kids, and I want to start young... my mom was a young mom and I see the relationship she has with my older brothers... I want that!! It's something special when you're only 28-30 years older than your first born.

However, I also know that my plans and dreams and hopes mean nothing.... God's will in my life is what matters. If it's God's will that I only have a baby when I'm 32 years old...then that's what is important. (Gosh that is scary and painful to think about.)

It's not easy to give up your life, your hopes, and dreams to surrender to God's will in your life. But, I don't think it's meant to be easy.

I suppose the important thing to do, is to draw nearer to God and quietly wait to hear His will and direction for my life. If it's His will that I go and get tested... and pursue other options...then so be it....If it's His will that I trust in Him, and wait for His time...then so be it....

I pray that I can remain strong and constantly seek Him out and grow closer to Him, so I can live according to His will.


  1. Hi, thanks for stopping by--I hope you get some answers to your cycle soon too!

    And I feel the same about being behind on the tests and procedures. I'm just not ready for that yet.


  2. Hey - I waited 2 years before having any tests done. I was sure it would happen to but by then I was 31 - almost 32 (gasp!) and I worried that if there was something wrong preventing pregnancy I would want to know about it rather than spending more years trying. I then as you know got the diagnosis that "nothing" was wrong (unexplained infertility). We then spent another 1.5 years trying naturally which brings us to yesterday when I made the jump to try a 'natural' IUI this next cycle if I am not pregnant. I was not ready before but I am now almost 4 years into my journey. I'm 33 and my husband is 42 and neither one of us is willing to wait anymore.

    Basically what I'm saying is - you will do what is right for you - when it's right for you. Just because others go straight to IUI/IVF doesn't mean that it's right for you.